This July I turned 35. For some reason, while I don’t feel OLD, I feel more… mature. I looked in the mirror and wasn’t really happy with what I saw or how I felt. I decided it’s time to do something about it. I feel a responsibility to myself and an urgency to get it together. Though I’m not at my worst health, I’m certainly not at my best. I decided that this would be the year for me to really get this figured out.
Last year, I lost 30 lbs following the Weight Watchers program and felt great. However, last summer we: moved to a new state; were trying to sell a house long distance in a sinking real estate market with a moronic and corrupt real estate agent; were stuck in a stinking, nasty rental where we got to experience gunfire at our front door and were struggling financially. It was a horrible, stressful time. I ate my way through it and then when the dust settled and all turned out peachy (and it really did), I’d gained back 15 lbs and still needed therapy to deal with what had happened.
At my last check up earlier this year, my doctor told me that my bad cholesterol was a bit high and that I should be able to lower it by losing a few pounds.
I took that advice to heart, but since February, I’ve been gaining and losing those same “few” pounds.
I’ve tried getting back into Weight Watchers but, frankly, I just don’t have the same drive that I did last time. I feel as though it worked to help me lose the weight, but that when push came to shove, it didn’t work for me long term, especially when the going got rough. And it seemed to take so much time.
I’ve also tried a few online tools that allow me to count my calories. Again, it worked for a while. It wasn’t rocket science, but it still took time and there wasn’t enough accountability to make me stick to it.
At the same time, a group of my good friends, who were also trying to get healthier; got together and started a support email group. It only lasted about a month before we all wandered off in our own directions.
After my first daughter was born, I used to get up every day and walk/jog. I maintained a good weight with very little effort for years. I was great with exercise last summer when I lost all that weight. But, then it lost its’ priority, and *I* lost my priority when a crazy schedule and a toddler who frequently still wakes a night eroded my ability to get up early enough to do squeeze in a workout and still function as a productive human being for the rest of the day.
And I know they’re all excuses. All laziness. All cop-outs.
I’m not stupid. I know nutrition. I’m a certified Pilates instructor. I know exercise. I KNOW how to be healthy. So why am I not doing it?
I don’t believe in fad diets. I believe that there is a proper balance for each person, but that that balance is different because we’re all different. Yes, there are some general truths to nutrition that apply to most, but I don’t believe that EVERYONE should eat low-carb, saturate their diet with whatever the hip new vitamin/supplement or miraculous mystery “extract” or whatever the current trend is.
While going for a rare walk while on vacation a few weeks ago, right after my birthday, I was feeling a bit down on myself for not being able to just GET IT GOING, ALREADY. I started to think. (I do my best thinking when I’m walking.) I felt like I’d been over-thinking this weight-loss thing. Did it have to be so complicated and require hours of my time and energy? I’m a strong believer in moderation, and often say “everything in moderation” but as I thought some more about it, I realized that I’ve never figured out what moderation means. What DOES it mean? And more importantly, what is MY moderation?
So, I decided that I would look it up and try to figure out what moderation was. I decided that I would see how long it took me to lose 10 lbs using “moderation”, once I figured out what it was. And then further to that, I challenged myself to keep it the weight off for at least a year. Then I had the thought to blog about it to increase my accountability and to share my experience. And then “Operation-Moderation” was born.
The thing is; I’m trying to think long term. Yes, my brother is getting married next year and I’d like to look nice for his wedding, but it’s not about LOOKING nice. It’s a perk for sure, but I want to be healthy and strong and have energy. I’m not going to be a “supermodel” or have the body I had when I was 20, and I don’t want to. But I do want to be the better than I am now.
I can do any intense program for a while. Most people can, but it’s not realistic in the long run. I know this as a truth. I want something that doesn’t require me to count every calorie or carbs or calculate points or whatever. I want this to be my life. Something I just “do” and don’t have to think so hard about.
Yes, I get the contradiction. I’m going to be researching and documenting my progress etc. That’s all going to take time and work. And I’m ok with that. It’s like studying for a test, but it’s not just about passing the test, it’s going to be about KNOWING the information. That’s where I want to be.
So this will be my journey. I’ll put myself on the line for better or worse. I hate failure, especially public failure so this is huge for me. I hope I don’t fail, but I don’t expect that it’ll be all sunshine and low numbers on the scale every day. I don’t expect this to be a “smooth” process. It’s going to be about trial and error and learning. It’ll be about finding what’s right for me. And maybe it will help you too.
